Kaleidoscope 3 - Day 28 of 30 - #30daysblogmarathon

Is 30 the new 40 or the new 20?

I posted this write-up on living on the other side of your 30s a few days back. Two things happened after I wrote that post.

The opening line of that post was '30 is the new 40'! Quite an emphatic statement. As soon as he read it, my husband's first reaction was "Why? Why 40? Why not '30 is the new 20'?!"

And then I read about this brilliant tweet yesterday that has gone viral the world over. 



And she received thousands of public responses of people in their 30s or older doing phenomenal stuff. For instance, a 47-year-old mother of four who published her first book at age 45 and has now started law school. Or about the girl who mentioned her 96-year-old friend who did an archaeological dig at age 75. You can read more instances and the entire article here.

Both of these incidents made me think more about everything that I wrote and only served to drive the point home harder that 'Age is after all just a number'! It also made me think about an even earlier post I made as part of this 30 days blog marathon on the choices that we make in life (that you can read here). How we choose to let our age inspire or impede us is entirely upto us. 

Yes, there are going to be lifestyle changes, physical changes, hormonal changes, career-related changes - all of which are, if you think about it, are very much in our control. 

So, 30 is the new 20, indeed!! 

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Bare necessities


Again, I'm writing some afterthoughts on my recent post on need vs want which you can read here.

A comment on that post by my dear mum made me think some more. I realised that 'needs' or 'wants' are just names or excuses that we give! It's simple - if your happiness is so dependent on something, you'll convince yourself that it's a need and make your entire existence about that one thing! That's probably the reason why what is a need for one is only a want for another (if at all) and vice versa.

But if you are contented with what you have, needs and wants are quite meaningless for you because you revel in the present moment. 

You realise, rightly so, that if something is truly meant for you, it'll find its way to you at the right time and in the right manner! You basically have everything you 'need' and anything additional is a 'want'! 

No written word summarises this better than the song from Jungle Book (a childhood favourite that still ranks up there!). The below lines from the song are my personal favourite!

If you act like that bee acts uh uh
You're working too hard
And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
and go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true
The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
That's why a bear can rest at ease
With just the bare necessities of life!

You can read the entire lyrics of the song here if you want to.

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Onion theory of resistance! 
(Note to vigilantes and researchers: this is not an actual theory!)

Around Nov-Dec 2019 in Mumbai, the prices of onions went up drastically due to heavy monsoons and low production. The price went up by nearly 400% before starting to return to normal more recently.

During that period, this WhatsApp forward went viral.

While the demand supply theory is definitely true, the origins of the forward and the existence of such a Japanese practice is not known.

The funny thing is, irrespective of such a tradition existing or not, by sheer domestic middle-class logic, you start valuing the expensive ingredient, in this case onion, more and using it a lot more sparingly! If you can replace onions in a dish, you do. And bhindi-do-pyaza just became so much dearer!

Anyway, prices have a way of regulating themselves in a society because of the dominant forces of demand and supply but discussing that is not the intent of this post!

I was thinking this can be applied to other aspects of life, such as -

a) If something is bothering you too much and it is not something you can change or help, then consciously shun the thought for some days. Don't pay it any heed. See if it becomes less persistent or non-existent that way!

b) If you feel that someone in your life is demanding too much of your energy (unless they are important to you and/or incapable of having a meaningful conversation with), whether physical, mental or emotional - avoid them for a few days. Do a 'network detox' every now and then and get away from people that are too expensive for you to spend your time on (because you know, time is money!). And then when you're back, maybe they'll expect less!

c) This also works wonderfully well for diets because if you like something that's unhealthy too much, give it up for sometime so you can value it more when you actually get to eat it! And while you're at it, if you need any help forming a new habit (including a diet), go read my yesterday's post!

Basically, anything that is draining you too much physically, emotionally or mentally should be put on a detox!

Let me know if my onion theory of resistance can be applied elsewhere according to you!

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New post tomorrow! Just two days of this blogathon to go - who'd have thought I'd make it through this challenge?!!

Kaleidoscope 2 - Day 23 of 30 - #30daysblogmarathon

5 ways to strike up a conversation with someone

I know people who can easily talk to a tree! I'm not one of those people! Of course, I can easily talk to friends and people I'm close to. But it takes me a lot of effort to strike up a conversation with someone who I don't know well enough or if I've only ever met them in a social or professional setting. 

On three separate occasions last year, I was introduced to a few tricks that can help initiating and sustaining a conversation in such settings. Here are my top 5 tips. And to make them easy to remember, I have alliterated the titles!

1. Innovative introductions - Ask people about themselves and be genuinely interested. To make this more effective, after cursory mandatory business-card exchanges, instead of asking them about their job, ask them open-ended questions that would make them talk about something they are passionate about. You could ask them about their hobbies or you could ask them to talk about something they have done recently that they're proud of. If they're comfortable, you could also ask them about their kids (provided you know they have kids!). People love to talk about themselves and their children and their achievements. Getting them to talk about these this gives you a better picture about what drives them. Remember Platinum Rule of Relationships? This is a win-win conversation starter! Make it interesting!

2. Spot signals  - of boredom, lack of interest or being closed to a certain topic of discussion. It's easy to go on about something you like to talk about, for instance a sport, politics or a person you follow. But these may not necessarily be of interest to your conversation partner. If their eyes are meandering across the room, they are probably bored and looking for someone else to talk to! If they are giving you one word responses or worse, just vocalising sounds (hmm, aah, etc), they probably have nothing to add to the conversation and will soon zone out. Time to change topics. Too much gesturing may be distracting them. Maybe just be more mindful of that. Don't be the bulldozer!

3. Pace (and) Pause - Don't bulldoze the conversation. Pace it so that your partner has an opportunity to respond and when they do, listen. Don't cut in or disagree curtly. Even if you have to disagree, let them complete their point of view. Maintain a steady pace, don't speak too fast or too slow and if possible, mirror the pace of your conversation partner. Pause to observe whether they have something to add, whether they are following you or to spot signals like we noted in point 2 above. Give them a chance!

4. Control contact - One of the foremost conversation tips I got was to maintain eye-contact. But do be sensible when doing this. Don't stare too hard that it creeps the other person out. Don't keep looking at and looking away consciously and quickly - that can make it hard for him/her to focus on what you're saying. Keep it easy. Just don't let your eyes rove around the room or fixate at a part of their body. Besides eye-contact, keep your hands to yourself. Frequent patting or physical contact is not appreciated. Keep it natural and don't try too hard!

5. Circumvent compulsive conversation  - Don't force the conversation. If required, move to a third person to add another dimension to the group. Or if you're done and have nothing more to say, walk away graciously. There is no need to force frivol or bring up trivial matters simply to keep the conversation going. Most of the time, this doesn't end well. Sarcasm is a complete no-no. If you just cracked a joke that only you are laughing at, take the hint! If you feel the conversation is drying up, forcing humor or meandering into trivial topics just to keep the conversation going may end up creating just the opposite of the impression you intended to create. Not all conversations need to be funny, casual or jestful. At least not when you don't know the person that well yet! Know when to walk away!

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Tabletopics conversation starters

Continuing with the above theme, here's something I found helpful to initiate conversations. Unlike the earlier section which dealt with conversations with less familiar people, Tabletopics actually helps to spark really meaningful conversations with family and friends too. (Though I have used some of the conversation starters with complete strangers as well and honestly, it has worked well for me!)

These are cue cards where each card has a conversation starter question which then helps to initiate a discussion on the said topic. There are various different 'Tabletopics' sets intended at different demographics and conversation groups. 

The Travel size editions of Tabletopics is one of my favourites. My husband and I have used this on a few road trips already and they are quite fun!

Below is a snapshot of some of the more popular sets and some sample questions.



Couples Tabletopics

• If we could quit our jobs, what would we like to do?
• Is it our similarities or our differences that attract us to each other?
• Do we spend enough time together alone as a couple?
• What would you miss most if you were no longer in this relationship?

Happiness Tabletopics

• When you want to laugh, what or who do you turn to?
• What’s your favorite dream about your future?
• What smell reminds you of childhood?
• Who’s the best boss you ever worked for?

Teen Tabletopics

• Who’s the funniest person you know?
• What five foods do you wish were banished from the earth?
• What personal trait has gotten you in the most trouble?
• What’s the most difficult thing about getting older?

Therapy Tabletopics

• If you’re in denial about one thing, what is it?
• What’s your most embarrassing phobia?
• What do you say that sounds just like your mother or father?
• If you had multiple personalities, what would they be?

You can view the entire range of Tabletopics here. Check them out when you get some time. You could try some of the sample questions with your groups to see if they work for you.

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5 easy-read books that made me think deeply about life

I've read and re-read these books and I strongly recommend them to anyone I know who loves to read. These are not very long...they're relatively short and crisp with a very powerful message in each! Do read them if you haven't already!

1. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom - What a gem this book is! Over 14 Tuesdays, the author meets with his ailing Sociology professor who gives him valuable life lessons. My favourite is Tuesday number 13 which talks about finding joy in the average day and not wasting it away in the search of a perfect day! 

2. Sixty Seconds: a collection of short stories compiled by Phil Bolsta - This is a collection of 45 short stories, all dealing with people's experiences where a single moment changed their life or their perspective. The stories are grouped together under various themes such as life-and-death moments, moments of enlightenment, life-altering moments. Nearly every story in this book made me think and feel the emotion that the authors felt in that life-changing moment that they described. My favourite story in the book is titled 'Life as a Daymaker' which is about a hairdresser who gives his all to a routine appointment by his regular only to discover, to his utter shock, the real reason she came in that day. 

3. Many lives, many masters by Dr. Brian Weiss - I never believed in reincarnation or the afterlife before I read this book. Even now, I don't believe in it entirely but I don't disbelieve it anymore. It's obviously squarely in the realm of the unknown. But the manner in which the author talks about the impact our actions from past lives have on this one, the way our personality in this life is a composite of our many experiences from past lives and about how we genuinely do have to answer for our actions on earth really made me wonder. Believer or non-believer, this book is a great read!

4. Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach - This books is about a seagull named Jonathan who is learning to fly and in the process learns more about life in his quest for perfection. He is not satisfied merely by scouring for food for survival but is keen to push the boundaries to perfect his flying skills and elevate to a higher plane of existence where he learns the secret to live, not just exist. The book is divided into four parts with each part giving a distinct takeaway. A nice one that really made me approach every new challenge differently thereafter is what Jonathan learns from the wisest gull, "begin by knowing that you have already arrived"!

5. The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery - This list would be incomplete without this book! This is a rare book that is designed as a children's book but is really enlightening for adults as well. I absolutely adore this book and have read it several times. The book follows the journey of a young prince through various planets in the universe, including Earth, and talks about various themes of love, loss, friendship, idiosyncracies of people in society and what loneliness can do to a person. One of the highlights of the book is how each of the planets that the Little Prince visits is shown to be inhabited by one single irrational, opinionated and unreasonable adult intended as a satire on a chosen element of society. This book is high on my list of must-reads!!

What are the books that influenced your life? Let me know in the comments!

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Hope you enjoyed today's (rather long!) post. Come back for a new post tomorrow. Not too many days of the 'Blogathon' remaining!

Kaleidoscope 1 - Day 18 of 30 - #30daysblogmarathon

As a kid, I loved the kaleidoscope toy - the one that came with a "single binocular tube" (for want of a better description!) and different discs that you could insert at the front, each of which gave a different set of pictures to view or filters through which to see the world!

I also like the word 'kaleidoscope' a lot because it immediately brings to mind a bunch of different memories and observations. So I am starting a new keyword series on my blog and whenever I want to write briefly about a few different unrelated things, I am going to use the keyword 'Kaleidoscope' in the title! These will be a combination of mini-posts that I just decide to write about together for no real reason.

These could be my observations on life, movies or TV shows that I watch, books I've read, music I've listened to, people I've met, experiences I've had, fictional or real-life stories, anecdotes, comedy or satire, food or drink - just about anything under the sun!

Today is the first such kaleidoscopic post!

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Busting the myth of personality tests

Have you ever wondered how personality tests sometimes feel so accurate? Whether it's the supposedly science-backed ones like the MBTI test or the Big-5 personality test  or even the seemingly bogus Buzzfeed-type tests (which, by the way, anyone can make an upload for fun!) that tell you which Disney princess you are most like, or what kind of a person you are based on the type of Subway sandwich you make for yourself or what your personality says about your food choices - most of the time, they somehow seem relatable!

I genuinely believed I was The Mastermind - INTJ in the MBTI test. Until I was recently told that the test is not actually accurate. That the OCEAN model or the Big 5 personality traits model is more accurate. Didn't matter since they both gave me results I could relate to! Much as the below tests did!

Which food combination best matches your personality? (Mine's Apple pie and vanilla ice cream...yumm!)
Everyone has a smell that matches their personality. Here's yours! (Mine's rain!)

Here's how I think these tests are made (or should be made, if they aren't) -
Step 1 - collect a pool of volunteers, say about 500.
Step 2 - Give them a questionnaire asking them about themselves. Or if you don't trust them to answer honestly, give them situations where their behaviour is observed (like a group discussion or maze!).
Step 3 - Based on this, bucket them into pre-identified personality traits
Step 4 - Give them the actual personality questionnaire
Step 5 - Map their responses to their personality bucket
Step 6 - Prepare a sketch for each combination of responses based on Step 5

Not sure if such a process is followed though!

These tests are supposed to help with diagnosing mental health issues or recruitment decisions but how accurate they are depend so heavily on how honestly they are answered! Even if the Big-5 personality test tried to overcome the drawbacks of the MBTI (and we are not even talking about other random internet quizzes), the question remains whether these tests tell respondents something new about themselves or merely validate what they already know because of their dependency on the responses. Plus, personalities are so diverse that no two people are alike. Yet, such tests seek to classify people into a handful of groups. At least the Big-5 model doesn't do this - It simply tells you where you fall on a spectrum of the characteristic which makes it easier for comparability but hardly tells  newyou anything about yourself.

At best, these tests are about as questionable or reliable as astrology (and don't get me wrong, I love reading what Linda Goodman has to say about my personality based on my zodiac - which also, incidentally, I find very accurate!) At worst, they are still entertaining! So why not indulge the wacky part of your mind occasionally and let a dessert decide which season matches your personality (turns out I'm summer.....that can't be right! Have you read my Winter memories post yet?).

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Weirdos on the road

Ever since I started driving, I've encountered a bunch of fellow drivers and pedestrians who have either cracked me up or got me fuming! Here are some instances -

- The family of 7 that will hold hands and cross the road - and be all chatty while they're at it!
- The biker who will zoom past even when his signal is red because waise bhi koi nahi hai, nikal leta hoon - and create unnecessary confusion at the junction
- The rickshaw-wallah who will start inching forward when the timer on the signal is still 15 seconds away, especially when he's blocking the way of those whose signal is actually green
- The BEST bus driver who will drive so claustrophobically close to my car that I have to hurriedly close my side-view mirrors in panic
- Those people who think it's cool to zoom ahead even after the signal has turned red because ek gaadi ke nikalne se kya farak padta hai? And then he/she'll go and block the junction for vehicles coming in from the right or left!
- That Scorpio in which possibly 50 people are squeezed in - at least this doesn't affect other vehicles on the road
- People who create an additional lane in one direction so that in an already tight 4-lane street, the oncoming vehicles take up 3 lanes
- Vehicles that drift on the road because their drivers are too busy speaking or responding to a text on the mobile phone (can't believe they play with their lives like that!)
- And this is by far my biggest peeve - People who'll follow an ambulance because a path just got created

Have you seen any such or similar weirdos on the road? Do share your stories!

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Cooking fever

Have you tried this mobile game? It's one of those addictive role-play app-based games where you get to run different restaurants. I was hooked to it for the longest time. I owned a fast-food joint, a bakery, an Indian diner, a seafood bistro, a Chinese restaurant, an ice-cream truck and even a breakfast cafe!

I am not very big on mobile gaming but this game caught my fancy because of the awesome animations and the awesome looking food! Now this might be entirely my imagination but I also genuinely feel that it improved my hand-eye coordination and ability to focus.

Unfortunately, after a point, you need to spend actual money to buy game gems that help you upgrade your appliances or your food quality which enables you to increase the food prices and earn more coins and gems. Another reason I stopped playing this was because it drained too much battery.

But if you are fan of role-play games like Gardenscapes or Cityville, you'll like this because it's much simpler and lots of fun!! It's got a 4.4/5 rating on Google Play and 4.5 on Apple...as good or better than most other popular games like Gardenscapes, Temple run, PubG or Pokemon Go - just saying.

Check it out if you're interested!

You can download it here

Come back tomorrow for a new post!