Kaleidoscope 2 - Day 23 of 30 - #30daysblogmarathon

5 ways to strike up a conversation with someone

I know people who can easily talk to a tree! I'm not one of those people! Of course, I can easily talk to friends and people I'm close to. But it takes me a lot of effort to strike up a conversation with someone who I don't know well enough or if I've only ever met them in a social or professional setting. 

On three separate occasions last year, I was introduced to a few tricks that can help initiating and sustaining a conversation in such settings. Here are my top 5 tips. And to make them easy to remember, I have alliterated the titles!

1. Innovative introductions - Ask people about themselves and be genuinely interested. To make this more effective, after cursory mandatory business-card exchanges, instead of asking them about their job, ask them open-ended questions that would make them talk about something they are passionate about. You could ask them about their hobbies or you could ask them to talk about something they have done recently that they're proud of. If they're comfortable, you could also ask them about their kids (provided you know they have kids!). People love to talk about themselves and their children and their achievements. Getting them to talk about these this gives you a better picture about what drives them. Remember Platinum Rule of Relationships? This is a win-win conversation starter! Make it interesting!

2. Spot signals  - of boredom, lack of interest or being closed to a certain topic of discussion. It's easy to go on about something you like to talk about, for instance a sport, politics or a person you follow. But these may not necessarily be of interest to your conversation partner. If their eyes are meandering across the room, they are probably bored and looking for someone else to talk to! If they are giving you one word responses or worse, just vocalising sounds (hmm, aah, etc), they probably have nothing to add to the conversation and will soon zone out. Time to change topics. Too much gesturing may be distracting them. Maybe just be more mindful of that. Don't be the bulldozer!

3. Pace (and) Pause - Don't bulldoze the conversation. Pace it so that your partner has an opportunity to respond and when they do, listen. Don't cut in or disagree curtly. Even if you have to disagree, let them complete their point of view. Maintain a steady pace, don't speak too fast or too slow and if possible, mirror the pace of your conversation partner. Pause to observe whether they have something to add, whether they are following you or to spot signals like we noted in point 2 above. Give them a chance!

4. Control contact - One of the foremost conversation tips I got was to maintain eye-contact. But do be sensible when doing this. Don't stare too hard that it creeps the other person out. Don't keep looking at and looking away consciously and quickly - that can make it hard for him/her to focus on what you're saying. Keep it easy. Just don't let your eyes rove around the room or fixate at a part of their body. Besides eye-contact, keep your hands to yourself. Frequent patting or physical contact is not appreciated. Keep it natural and don't try too hard!

5. Circumvent compulsive conversation  - Don't force the conversation. If required, move to a third person to add another dimension to the group. Or if you're done and have nothing more to say, walk away graciously. There is no need to force frivol or bring up trivial matters simply to keep the conversation going. Most of the time, this doesn't end well. Sarcasm is a complete no-no. If you just cracked a joke that only you are laughing at, take the hint! If you feel the conversation is drying up, forcing humor or meandering into trivial topics just to keep the conversation going may end up creating just the opposite of the impression you intended to create. Not all conversations need to be funny, casual or jestful. At least not when you don't know the person that well yet! Know when to walk away!

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Tabletopics conversation starters

Continuing with the above theme, here's something I found helpful to initiate conversations. Unlike the earlier section which dealt with conversations with less familiar people, Tabletopics actually helps to spark really meaningful conversations with family and friends too. (Though I have used some of the conversation starters with complete strangers as well and honestly, it has worked well for me!)

These are cue cards where each card has a conversation starter question which then helps to initiate a discussion on the said topic. There are various different 'Tabletopics' sets intended at different demographics and conversation groups. 

The Travel size editions of Tabletopics is one of my favourites. My husband and I have used this on a few road trips already and they are quite fun!

Below is a snapshot of some of the more popular sets and some sample questions.



Couples Tabletopics

• If we could quit our jobs, what would we like to do?
• Is it our similarities or our differences that attract us to each other?
• Do we spend enough time together alone as a couple?
• What would you miss most if you were no longer in this relationship?

Happiness Tabletopics

• When you want to laugh, what or who do you turn to?
• What’s your favorite dream about your future?
• What smell reminds you of childhood?
• Who’s the best boss you ever worked for?

Teen Tabletopics

• Who’s the funniest person you know?
• What five foods do you wish were banished from the earth?
• What personal trait has gotten you in the most trouble?
• What’s the most difficult thing about getting older?

Therapy Tabletopics

• If you’re in denial about one thing, what is it?
• What’s your most embarrassing phobia?
• What do you say that sounds just like your mother or father?
• If you had multiple personalities, what would they be?

You can view the entire range of Tabletopics here. Check them out when you get some time. You could try some of the sample questions with your groups to see if they work for you.

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5 easy-read books that made me think deeply about life

I've read and re-read these books and I strongly recommend them to anyone I know who loves to read. These are not very long...they're relatively short and crisp with a very powerful message in each! Do read them if you haven't already!

1. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom - What a gem this book is! Over 14 Tuesdays, the author meets with his ailing Sociology professor who gives him valuable life lessons. My favourite is Tuesday number 13 which talks about finding joy in the average day and not wasting it away in the search of a perfect day! 

2. Sixty Seconds: a collection of short stories compiled by Phil Bolsta - This is a collection of 45 short stories, all dealing with people's experiences where a single moment changed their life or their perspective. The stories are grouped together under various themes such as life-and-death moments, moments of enlightenment, life-altering moments. Nearly every story in this book made me think and feel the emotion that the authors felt in that life-changing moment that they described. My favourite story in the book is titled 'Life as a Daymaker' which is about a hairdresser who gives his all to a routine appointment by his regular only to discover, to his utter shock, the real reason she came in that day. 

3. Many lives, many masters by Dr. Brian Weiss - I never believed in reincarnation or the afterlife before I read this book. Even now, I don't believe in it entirely but I don't disbelieve it anymore. It's obviously squarely in the realm of the unknown. But the manner in which the author talks about the impact our actions from past lives have on this one, the way our personality in this life is a composite of our many experiences from past lives and about how we genuinely do have to answer for our actions on earth really made me wonder. Believer or non-believer, this book is a great read!

4. Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach - This books is about a seagull named Jonathan who is learning to fly and in the process learns more about life in his quest for perfection. He is not satisfied merely by scouring for food for survival but is keen to push the boundaries to perfect his flying skills and elevate to a higher plane of existence where he learns the secret to live, not just exist. The book is divided into four parts with each part giving a distinct takeaway. A nice one that really made me approach every new challenge differently thereafter is what Jonathan learns from the wisest gull, "begin by knowing that you have already arrived"!

5. The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery - This list would be incomplete without this book! This is a rare book that is designed as a children's book but is really enlightening for adults as well. I absolutely adore this book and have read it several times. The book follows the journey of a young prince through various planets in the universe, including Earth, and talks about various themes of love, loss, friendship, idiosyncracies of people in society and what loneliness can do to a person. One of the highlights of the book is how each of the planets that the Little Prince visits is shown to be inhabited by one single irrational, opinionated and unreasonable adult intended as a satire on a chosen element of society. This book is high on my list of must-reads!!

What are the books that influenced your life? Let me know in the comments!

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Hope you enjoyed today's (rather long!) post. Come back for a new post tomorrow. Not too many days of the 'Blogathon' remaining!