Yesterday's post was about being nice. Today, I'm writing about being authentic. The two don't have to be mutually exclusive! But it's important to know the difference.
If you feel under some kind of pressure to behave in a certain way, then you'll have trouble sustaining it because you aren't being true to yourself. Pressure could be social - put on you by those around you or personal - put on you by yourself.
The important difference between being nice and being authentic is this:
Putting your heart into what you are doing is being nice.
Doing what your heart is in is being authentic.
Going the extra mile to be nice does not mean that you fake it! Care and concern, love, an innate need to connect to people - these are traits that cannot be be cultivated. They either come from within or they don't. And they could be different towards different people, as they usually are. It is humanly impossible to behave in exactly the same way with every person you meet. But what you can do is be genuine every time.
Quite interestingly, one of the management lessons that I've been taught - generally with regard to conversation skills, networking, marketing and other client-centric roles - is to 'fake it till you make it'! Sip on that single glass of wine over three hours just to 'fit in'. Act interested in an offer even when you aren't to maintain relationships.
We live in a society where we are constantly under pressure to hide our emotions, smile even when we don't want to. That's us being nice. To be authentic, is to wear your heart on your sleeve. How then, in today's society do we be authentic?
Don't want to go to that party? You can either go and be nice or not go and be authentic. Or go for a bit and be both.
Not the sort to make an effort to keep in touch? Being authentic. Returning a call if someone had made the effort - being nice. And, being able to delight someone who does by picking from where you left off the last time. That's you being authentic and nice all at once.
Not giving feedback because you don't have anything good to say - being nice.
Calling a spade a spade, giving that negative feedback to someone's face - being authentic, but probably hurtful to the other person.
Giving the feedback in a constructive manner that'll actually help them - being both!
Avoiding confontation - being nice
Confronting a situation - being authentic, but probably detrimental to the relationship
Confronting diplomatically and with a genuine intent to resolve matters - being authentic and nice.
You meet someone and they're coming for a hug but you don't want to give one! Tricky situation!
Give the hug and be nice.
Don't hug and be authentic.
Bring out those reflexes, and thrust your hand out for a handshake! On the fence!!
X shares a secret with you that you think Y should know. Tricky again!
Tell Y yourself - being nice to Y but not to X
Don't tell Y - being nice to X but not to Y
Tell X to tell Y - being nice to both and being true to yourself!
Attending an event where the dress code is formal.
Wearing a dress or business suit because everyone there will be wearing one - well, I'd call this as being safe rather than being nice.
Wearing a saree because you want to - being yourself and authentic.
These are just a few examples but I'm sure you get the drift of what I'm trying to express.
Why go through the effort of being nice? To please others
Why, then, try to be authentic at the same time? To be happy and true to yourself because, at the end of the day, you are answerable to yourself. And most importantly, to drop the fear of letting our true selves be seen.
Here's an image I found online that explains being authentic very succintly. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
If you feel under some kind of pressure to behave in a certain way, then you'll have trouble sustaining it because you aren't being true to yourself. Pressure could be social - put on you by those around you or personal - put on you by yourself.
The important difference between being nice and being authentic is this:
Putting your heart into what you are doing is being nice.
Doing what your heart is in is being authentic.
Going the extra mile to be nice does not mean that you fake it! Care and concern, love, an innate need to connect to people - these are traits that cannot be be cultivated. They either come from within or they don't. And they could be different towards different people, as they usually are. It is humanly impossible to behave in exactly the same way with every person you meet. But what you can do is be genuine every time.
Quite interestingly, one of the management lessons that I've been taught - generally with regard to conversation skills, networking, marketing and other client-centric roles - is to 'fake it till you make it'! Sip on that single glass of wine over three hours just to 'fit in'. Act interested in an offer even when you aren't to maintain relationships.
We live in a society where we are constantly under pressure to hide our emotions, smile even when we don't want to. That's us being nice. To be authentic, is to wear your heart on your sleeve. How then, in today's society do we be authentic?
Don't want to go to that party? You can either go and be nice or not go and be authentic. Or go for a bit and be both.
Not the sort to make an effort to keep in touch? Being authentic. Returning a call if someone had made the effort - being nice. And, being able to delight someone who does by picking from where you left off the last time. That's you being authentic and nice all at once.
Not giving feedback because you don't have anything good to say - being nice.
Calling a spade a spade, giving that negative feedback to someone's face - being authentic, but probably hurtful to the other person.
Giving the feedback in a constructive manner that'll actually help them - being both!
Avoiding confontation - being nice
Confronting a situation - being authentic, but probably detrimental to the relationship
Confronting diplomatically and with a genuine intent to resolve matters - being authentic and nice.
You meet someone and they're coming for a hug but you don't want to give one! Tricky situation!
Give the hug and be nice.
Don't hug and be authentic.
Bring out those reflexes, and thrust your hand out for a handshake! On the fence!!
X shares a secret with you that you think Y should know. Tricky again!
Tell Y yourself - being nice to Y but not to X
Don't tell Y - being nice to X but not to Y
Tell X to tell Y - being nice to both and being true to yourself!
Attending an event where the dress code is formal.
Wearing a dress or business suit because everyone there will be wearing one - well, I'd call this as being safe rather than being nice.
Wearing a saree because you want to - being yourself and authentic.
These are just a few examples but I'm sure you get the drift of what I'm trying to express.
Why go through the effort of being nice? To please others
Why, then, try to be authentic at the same time? To be happy and true to yourself because, at the end of the day, you are answerable to yourself. And most importantly, to drop the fear of letting our true selves be seen.
Here's an image I found online that explains being authentic very succintly. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
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And it's a wrap - the 30 day blog marathon is done and dusted! Hope you've followed through and enjoyed reading my posts as much as I enjoyed writing them.
I have received a few topic suggestions and in the past 30 days, I've gathered some blogging momentum so I hope to continue blogging frequently even after this blogathon. If you dont' see anything up on this blog for a while, do feel free to reach to me and give me a friendly shove!
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