I sincerely believe that none of us are born or pre-disposed to be mean! And I'm quite sure none of us likes or enjoys being mean.
Our true self wants to be nice to others - that is our natural behaviour. The reason that the old saying - 'You can't please all of the people all of the time' - must have been coined was possibly because people were trying.
However, it seems these days, that old-fashioned manners, gracious social etiquette and generally being unconditionally nice to people (i.e. without expecting anything in return) are seen as too cumbersome and people demonstrating such behaviours are chided as being goody-two-shoes (or unnecessarily setting the bar high!).
Of course, it's not always black and white. It's not as if you're mean if you're not nice - there is that zone in between where we all try to hover - the "Why do more, when I can get away with less or when less is also enough?" zone. The problem with being in that zone is that we often swing wildly between the nice and mean ends showing bouts of unpredictable behaviour.
Why are we mean at times? When we are mean, we are usually in either of the following situations:
- We are not mentally present in the situation at all. We are preoccupied with other things that seem to demand our attention more
- We are overwhelmed with a multitude of things and venting our frustration of one on the other
- We have been bottling in a lot of grief, grudges or anger over a period of time without any avenue to share or let it out and therefore spit it out once we reach saturation
- We expect others to read our minds, expect too much and resent it when they don't live up to that
- We are busy eking out our life without paying attention to our natural calling - in other words, our heart is not in what we are doing (not from the perspective of our day jobs... Well that too... But mostly what we do to and for others)
The common thread between all the above reasons according to me is quite simply a lack of time - lack of time to focus, lack of time to heal, lack of time to think or lack of time to feel.
Much of our anger, resentment and frustration can be bucketed in at least one of the above situations (all that I could think of, but there could be more) which results in bringing out our unnatural mean side. But remember, that is not who we really are.
Being nice is not out-of-fashion, even though it might be made to seem like that. So go out there and make a difference! Be nice, especially when you don't want to - because that is when you're most likely to fall back on the mean side of your spectrum.
Pick up the phone
and call a friend
who you haven't spoken to
in quite a while,
because who doesn't like a call,
from a friend that's just to say hi?!
Read a book
or watched a movie
that reminded you of someone,
send them a text, give them a shout,
Because who doesn't like to be told,
That they're remembered or thought about?!
Going out in a group,
Watch out for your pals,
Text them to know they got home safe,
If everyone's drinking, be the one to drive,
Because who doesn't like it,
When someone cares all the time?!
Hold doors open,
Show up on time,
Get gifts for no reason,
Make people smile,
Because who doesn't like it
When someone goes the extra mile?!
When you're feeling really mean,
Don't react or talk,
Calm down and try hard
To smile your best smile
Because who can resist that sparkle
of niceness that's hidden in your eyes?!
Be grateful and genuinely kind,
Spread some love all around,
Even if you're alone,
Don't give up, just think
How being nice
is such a beautiful thing!
Not that we need an excuse to be nice but if that didn't inspire you enough, here's a lovely post I saw on FB yesterday that should do it!
Our true self wants to be nice to others - that is our natural behaviour. The reason that the old saying - 'You can't please all of the people all of the time' - must have been coined was possibly because people were trying.
However, it seems these days, that old-fashioned manners, gracious social etiquette and generally being unconditionally nice to people (i.e. without expecting anything in return) are seen as too cumbersome and people demonstrating such behaviours are chided as being goody-two-shoes (or unnecessarily setting the bar high!).
Of course, it's not always black and white. It's not as if you're mean if you're not nice - there is that zone in between where we all try to hover - the "Why do more, when I can get away with less or when less is also enough?" zone. The problem with being in that zone is that we often swing wildly between the nice and mean ends showing bouts of unpredictable behaviour.
Why are we mean at times? When we are mean, we are usually in either of the following situations:
- We are not mentally present in the situation at all. We are preoccupied with other things that seem to demand our attention more
- We are overwhelmed with a multitude of things and venting our frustration of one on the other
- We have been bottling in a lot of grief, grudges or anger over a period of time without any avenue to share or let it out and therefore spit it out once we reach saturation
- We expect others to read our minds, expect too much and resent it when they don't live up to that
- We are busy eking out our life without paying attention to our natural calling - in other words, our heart is not in what we are doing (not from the perspective of our day jobs... Well that too... But mostly what we do to and for others)
The common thread between all the above reasons according to me is quite simply a lack of time - lack of time to focus, lack of time to heal, lack of time to think or lack of time to feel.
Much of our anger, resentment and frustration can be bucketed in at least one of the above situations (all that I could think of, but there could be more) which results in bringing out our unnatural mean side. But remember, that is not who we really are.
Being nice is not out-of-fashion, even though it might be made to seem like that. So go out there and make a difference! Be nice, especially when you don't want to - because that is when you're most likely to fall back on the mean side of your spectrum.
Pick up the phone
and call a friend
who you haven't spoken to
in quite a while,
because who doesn't like a call,
from a friend that's just to say hi?!
Read a book
or watched a movie
that reminded you of someone,
send them a text, give them a shout,
Because who doesn't like to be told,
That they're remembered or thought about?!
Going out in a group,
Watch out for your pals,
Text them to know they got home safe,
If everyone's drinking, be the one to drive,
Because who doesn't like it,
When someone cares all the time?!
Hold doors open,
Show up on time,
Get gifts for no reason,
Make people smile,
Because who doesn't like it
When someone goes the extra mile?!
When you're feeling really mean,
Don't react or talk,
Calm down and try hard
To smile your best smile
Because who can resist that sparkle
of niceness that's hidden in your eyes?!
Be grateful and genuinely kind,
Spread some love all around,
Even if you're alone,
Don't give up, just think
How being nice
is such a beautiful thing!
Not that we need an excuse to be nice but if that didn't inspire you enough, here's a lovely post I saw on FB yesterday that should do it!
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